The latest Faith Beyond Podcast features an intriguing topic, Near-Death Experiences. Special Show Guest Sherman O’Bryan was leading a normal life. He served in the military, worked a variety of jobs over the years, and then adversity hit, and everything changed.
You can read about 5 other Near-Death Experiences here. But what do I think about it? Well, there’s something major I have learned in life, and it is this – do not judge something you have not yet experienced yourself. If you have never eaten toast with grape jelly, then how do you know what it tastes like? Sure, others may tell you what it tastes like, but that is not the same as you knowing, on a personal level, what it is like. That is very simplistic, I know. But, how can I have an opinion on Near-Death Experiences if I haven’t experienced it? I can’t.
With that said, I do find it fascinating. If you believe we move from this body on into a new existence after we die, an existence that extends beyond this earthly plane, then Near-Death Experiences seem like a logical step in that process. Check out Sherman’s story this week on the Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko Podcast and decide what you believe and/or think for yourself.
And be sure to check out more podcast episodes here. If you would like to become a sponsor, please check out that option here or email me at Tim@FaithBeyond.org for business sponsorship opportunities.
This week’s podcast features the first interview I ever recorded. On the show, I speak with Sue Bump about her battle with cancer, support and love of family, and how faith is needed in our most trying times.
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New episodes of the Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko show are in production and anticipated to be released beginning the third week of March. Until then enjoy this flashback interview. This episode features clips from my very first attempt to record a podcast. Sue was a great first interview, but this version has been updated and cleaned up – to sound a bit more professional.
And you can check out the Good Grandma Gone Bad in action by going here (warning: not all comedy is clean, meant for 18 and over). Sue may be gone from this earth, but she will forever live in our hearts.
For those who have lost someone special in their life, Christmas can look much different than it once did. I made a list of songs that reflect the pain of loss, but they also express the hope that we all can hold onto. We will never forget, but we can keep the faith. If you need some ideas on surviving loss and the holidays, see my article on that topic here. Otherwise, enjoy my Top 5 Christmas Songs of Loss & Hope.
#1 Christmas Song: The Sweetest Gift – Piano Guys featuring Chris Avery
The song I chose to put in the number one spot on my list of the Top 5 Christmas Songs of Loss & Hope, is The Sweetest Gift. In all fairness, several of the other songs on this list could have made it to the top spot, but as a bereaved parent, this song speaks to me in ways that most songs can’t.
This particular version was recorded by The Piano Guys, who are known for putting a special twist on songs by using just a piano and a cello. Their music has been viewed and/or listened to online over a billion times, and many of the traditional Christmas songs they have done are outright incredible. However, when it comes to hitting on everything a bereaved parent may feel this time of the year, this song is a must-have
The history: In 2016, Jon Schmidt’s daughter Annie went missing. Annie had gone for a hike and failed to return. She was eventually found at the bottom of a cliff, her death ruled as accidental. As one can imagine, the loss of their child affected the Schmidt family and shook them to their core. But it was through their faith that they found a way to survive and keep going.
During the grieving process, Jon heard a song that described exactly what he was feeling and he knew he needed to record it. So, The Piano Guys teamed up with Craig Aven for a song that still speaks to me. I dedicate this one to every parent who may be missing their child this Christmas.
#2 Christmas Song: Different Kind of Christmas – Mark Schultz
In 2014, Different Kind of Christmas was released and quickly became a song that was shared around the world. Mark Schultz wrote the song after he lost his father-in-law. Mark stated that the family was close and the loss was hard. One day as the holidays were approaching, Mark’s wife came into the office. She was still reeling from the loss of her father and told her husband, “It’s just going to be a different kind of Christmas.” And from that, the song was born.
Mark was quoted as saying that while writing Different Kind of Christmas he came to understand that mourning is real and it’s alright to feel the way you do. It’s also okay to celebrate the lives of the ones we miss.
I find that this song allows me to reflect on the ones I miss the most each holiday season. It’s heart-wrenching but provides me hope and that’s the reason it comes in at number two on my list of the Top 5 Christmas Songs of Loss & Hope.
#3 Christmas Song: One Last Christmas – Matthew West
The number three position is held by a song that will require you to get a box of tissue ready. There is no doubt you will need it once you understand the meaning behind this song. In One Last Christmas, Matthew West shares the true story of Dax Locke, a less than two-year-old child with leukemia. Doctors weren’t sure Dax would make it through the year and so, understanding that his time was limited, Dax’s family skipped Halloween and went straight to their son’s favorite holiday. They created their version of Christmas but did it in October. Once the local community heard what the family was doing others quickly joined in. And almost instantly, an entire town transformed itself into a Hallmark-like movie. They celebrated the most joyous time of the year earlier and longer than ever before.
This is an inspiring story in itself. The song causes me to tear up as I watch the video, but it will always remain one of my favorites. One Last Christmas serves as a reminder of the way the world should be. I love seeing little Dax and being able to share in the personal moments of his life. A special thank you to the Locke family for letting us enjoy their child. Dax will forever hold a special place in my heart, just like my own son will forever do.
#4 Christmas Song: Christmas in Heaven – Sarah Schieber
Christmas In Heaven was written by Paul Marino and Jeremy Johnson. Singer Sarah Schieber recorded it in 2009 as part of an album she was working on and it ranks as my number 4 choice for the Top 5 Christmas Songs of Loss & Hope. This one really hit home for Sarah as she had lost her husband, Chad previously, and his death meant she was left alone to raise their three young children.
Sarah told CBN.com, “Paul shared the song with me a few months after my husband Chad died. It became a very sweet part of my healing process. I didn’t dream that I would have the opportunity to record it this year. I pray it will comfort those who have lost loved ones and are facing the holidays alone.”
Others have recorded Christmas in Heaven, but there is something authentic and special about hearing this version. You can feel the connection Sarah has with this song, and that’s why I keep it on my list.
#5 Christmas Song: Christmas Will Be Different This Year – Gary LeVox
Rascal Flatts’ frontman, Gary LeVox, put words to the melody written by pianist-songwriter, Stephan Moccio. The song was actually a collaboration between Moccio, Levox, and Natalie Hemby. Interestingly, the three artists were said to have used Zoom to collaborate and create Christmas Will Be Different This Year. It encompasses how Covid changed the world, but it goes well beyond just that.
The lyrics are about the difficulty of a changing world and how life doesn’t remain the same for any of us. LeVox stated, “I think this song encompasses what the holidays will be this year, and not just because of Covid and all of that, but kids going away to school. The world as we once knew it is different. And I think this year Christmas will be different for everybody.”
I couldn’t agree more. It’s not just losing a loved one in death that affects us. Our kids grow up, loved ones move away, and things are different. As we age we may even find ourselves alone during the holidays. This song earned its spot as the number five song in my Top 5 Christmas Songs of Loss & Hope because of the deep meaning it has. I think you will agree once you listen.
So, there it is, my Top 5 Christmas Songs of Loss & Hope. I’ve learned to embrace the pain, the joy, and the gift that is the holiday season. These are just a few of the songs that exist, so feel free to share your favorites with me. And Merry Christmas to all.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
The holidays can be downright brutal for individuals who have lost someone they loved dearly. They say the first of everything is horrid to live through and I agree with that sentiment. After losing my child, Christmas has never been the same. Some years you are just happy to get through the holiday season. Of course, every first after a loss is difficult to manage. But when it comes to that first Christmas, ouch.
All of the other first holidays, birthdays, and special events can make a person depressed as well. However, don’t think the second, third, and the others can’t be almost as bad as the first. People tell me each year can be a painful reminder of what they no longer have. In my case, I find that things are different. They are not necessarily better or worse than the first few years. They are all just different than the ones before. Then again, life is different now. And that’s just the way it is.
From Halloween through New Year’s Day there will be an onslaught of happy families doing happy things and that stretch of time can be gut-wrenching for those who have lost, This is especially true for those who have lost a child. You want to enjoy the holidays. You long to be as happy as they are. You want to celebrate with family, but inside it hurts so much. Yeah, I can relate.
And that is why I wanted to give you a few things to think about this year. The following items are based on my experiences and the experiences of others. Here are a few suggestions regarding how to survive the holiday season.
Be Easy on Yourself
You are in a difficult place and the holidays can provide a sense of extra stress. That is not something you need right now. You may feel as if you have to be something you just can’t be at the moment. You may break down in tears or you may hyperventilate while watching a television show (or see another child opening presents). It’s OK. Allow yourself those moments and do not beat yourself up over it. Go easy on yourself, especially during the holidays.
You Do You
If you are a person who likes to decorate like crazy for Christmas, but now you don’t have the desire, that’s OK too. You may worry about what others may think, but the holidays are tough and you need to only worry about what you need right now. Worry about what you feel and not what others think. Sometimes that’s hard to do, but that’s what you need.
Be With Supporters
Surround yourself with people who are still supporting you as you work through your loss. You may be surprised at who is providing the support you need and who is not. There is a chance you may be really disappointed by who you expected to be there versus who is. But that’s OK as well. Your focus needs to be on healing, so keep your supporters close during the holidays and distance yourself from the negative ones.
Be Social But Only If You Can
If we don’t go to a family function or some other sort of holiday party, we worry that someone will be upset with us, but yet again we need to worry about our mental health first. So if you feel as if you just can’t do that party, then don’t. Stop worrying about what others think and heal first.
Consider Getting Away
Some use the holidays as a time to vacation. Instead of being stressed by everything at home, maybe planning a get-a-way is the answer. This may not be for everyone, but others have stated that it has helped them immensely.
Shop Online (Or Not At All)
If fighting crowds in the stores concern you, then consider buying everything online. That may be especially true the first year after a child dies. It can be hard to be around large groups and going out in public may seem overwhelming. Luckily, shopping online can be the answer to avoiding some additional anxiety you do not need. Then again, do not feel obligated to shop at all if you are not up to it. Nobody will question why you didn’t buy them a present (at least nobody that truly cares about you).
Keep Remembering
Each Christmas my wife will take a book, The Night Before Christmas, to our son’s grave and read it to him. It is something she did every year while he was alive and it is something she felt the need to continue even after his death. Maybe you want to start a new tradition or find a new way to remember or include your child or loved one during the holidays. Whatever that may be, it can be another valuable coping mechanism and help you survive this time of year.
Hopefully, these suggestions help you manage these holidays without the person you are missing. There is nothing I can offer you for the pain, but that’s because the love you shared was so deep. Although it hurts not being together, keep the faith. One day, we will meet them again. That is the hope that I hold onto and the reason that Faith Beyond is here.
Note: You can check out the premiere episode of the Faith Beyond Podcast here. On the first show, we discuss suicide awareness and prevention with guest Sarah Jefferson of Helpline.
Cancer affects millions of lives and can turn a person’s world upside down in the blink of an eye. This article was written one day as Tim Maceyko sat with his then-teenage daughter during one of her treatments. She was facing a battle with lymphoma and it opened her father’s eyes to struggles that he had not considered.
Sitting in the cancer treatment center with my teenage daughter is not a place that we expected to be. Yet here we are. What had started as a small lump in a lymph node has turned into something much bigger. Our fears were actually confirmed the day after Christmas and the journey has been quite a roller-coaster over the last few months. Today, we are at the Zangmeister Cancer Center, preparing for her third round of chemo.
Allie sits in her chair and receives a shot in her stomach from a really long needle. She protests loudly because she’s had it before and it’s certainly not something that she looks forward to. However, it helps with post-chemo nausea and it allows her to get through the days ahead with more limited side effects. The nurse sprays something onto Allie’s stomach to numb the area. The shot goes smoothly with little pain this time. That’s a relief.
The People
Across from us sits an African-American lady who is receiving her own treatment. I’m guessing that she is in her forties, but I’ve never been good with guessing ages. She is upbeat and chats freely with the nurses and others who are walking around. I take it that she has been here many times and has become accustomed to her routine because she seems at home in this environment. However, I also notice that she is alone. I’m not sure why, but that bothers me.
To my right, I see an older gentleman and his wife. He is around six feet tall, wearing glasses, is balding, and he has a white beard. His suspenders are kind of cute, but he doesn’t seem as friendly as the other lady across from us. He just sits and stares off into the distance. I wonder if that’s how I’d feel in his place. The thing I notice about him the most though is the baseball hat he is wearing with “Marines” prominently displayed across the front of it. I need to thank him for his service. But I don’t. He seems like he doesn’t want to be bothered.
There are several other people scattered around the open area. Some of them are receiving their treatments and some of them are patiently waiting for theirs to begin. What I realize is that cancer doesn’t care about your age. It doesn’t care about your ethnic background or your lifestyle; could care less that you served your country; doesn’t care whether you are alone or with someone; it just doesn’t care about you. It’s that simple. Cancer is a cold, heartless disease and I despise the entire concept. To put it bluntly, cancer sucks.
The Positives
At least the staff here is pleasant. They interact with the patients on a personal level, providing plenty of smiles and they give off a positive vibe. That’s needed, considering what the patients are going through. Nurses that are good at their job are amazing to me. Their help goes far beyond the medicine they are administering. These nurses are providing a sense of hope and comfort during a fearful time.
There are huge glass windows on the outside of the room that looks out over a wooded area. Last time here, Allie sat and watched the wild turkeys. I guess the place is as comfortable as a place like this can be. Despite that fact, we all would much rather be just about any place other than here.
I notice that a lot of the ceiling panels are painted with artwork. Each one has been done by a person that has come through the center before us. There are motivational panels, several of which are painted with inspiring artwork. There are some really impressive designs scattered around the room. The ceiling panel closest to us says, “You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.” As I watch my daughter prepare to get yet another round of chemo, I realize how profound that saying really is. She is certainly strong, but the reality is she has no choice. Sometimes “being strong is your only choice.” I need to remember that saying. It’s a good one.
In Closing
It will be several more hours before we are done, so we all settle in. This is our new home-away-from-home. I get my laptop out and begin to type. I don’t write anything that’s going to win a Pulitzer, but I do document what I see around me. Thus, I give you #Tims2Cents and my #CancerSucks rambling for the day.
2021 Update
My daughter is now in her twenties, married, and had her first baby this past year. And I am happy to report that she is currently cancer-free.
I hope that by sharing this experience someone may hear what they need to hear today. We all face those difficult moments in our lives, but we must keep the faith. It is not always easy to do and it does require a special kind of faith. I’m talking about a faith that lies far beyond the pain that you are feeling at this moment. It lies beyond the adversity you are experiencing right now. You just need to hold onto the hope that tomorrow will be a new day, a better day. And know that, as the sign in the cancer center said, sometimes being strong really is your only choice.
If you found this article interesting then read more about Tim Maceyko’s journey with adversity in his book, When the Cardinal Calls. You can now find all of his books on Amazon. And be sure to join the Faith Beyond family by subscribing here to receive access to a free e-book copy of Seth’s Snuggle Time Game.
