After losing a loved one, we may hear a certain song, and it may stop us in our tracks. It may bring tears to your eyes and leave you feeling so vulnerable. Yet, somehow, it feels good too. Despite how much a song made you cry; you may end up playing it again and again and again. I have plenty of songs like that and today I am going to bring you my Top 10 Songs of Loss. But before we get to the music, let’s talk about why music makes us feel the way it does.
It used to be believed that sad people listened to sad music so they could continue to be sad. However, recent studies are proving that age-old theory to be incorrect. Many people will tell you that listening to sad music actually makes them feel better. It is not uncommon at all for an individual to feel better after listening to a song that may evoke intense emotional responses. In fact, some studies have shown that those who are depressed will literally choose a sad song over a more upbeat or happy one. They long for that sad music.
Now I believe we need to take these types of studies with a grain of salt because they are, so far, rather limited in their polling methods and don’t represent a wide enough demographic to make me believe that we can say anything with absolute certainty. However, one could easily see how sad music could serve as a coping mechanism for those who are mentally in a difficult place. The words tend to reflect how you may be feeling and the tempo can be soothing to your heart.
What I want to know is, what is going on in our brains when we feel like we need to hear this kind of music? One belief in the scientific world is that the brain releases dopamine when we listen to music. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter typically associated with food, sex, and drugs. In other words, it is possible that the music is helping us produce certain chemicals, which in turn creates specific brain activity to help us cope.
Some of the greatest art and musical compositions in history came to be because the artist was in a place of suffering. Sadness can make us more focused and diligent. However, be aware that somber music could also affect you in a negative way and make you more depressed. It all really comes down to how you perceive the music. Do the words of the song bring about a happy or pleasant memory or does it bring back a negative one? Is the song something you can relate to and thus you are able to share the pain you are feeling, or does it cause you to go deeper into the darkness? Only you can answer those questions and only you will know what works for you and what doesn’t.
In my experience, music helped. It hurt, but I wanted more. I craved that connection through the words of others and the accompanying melodies that went with them. While I was grieving the loss of my child, I stumbled across a song that summarized everything I was feeling. It was painful to listen too, but it encapsulated every emotion that I was having, and I immediately connected with it. I must have listened to that song a hundred times or more. In fact, I included it in this Top 10 Songs of Loss list.
There are way more songs out there than I can list here. So, I have attempted to select 10 songs that you may or may not have heard before. Each of these has spoken to me in a profound way as I worked my way through the grieving process. Feel free to leave a comment and share a song that helped you during your journey with loss. I would love to hear it!
Top 10 Songs of Loss
1. Godspeed by The Dixie Chicks
The first song on my Top 10 Songs of Loss is one that will speak to anyone who has lost a son. It is beautifully written, and I still struggle to listen to it without the tears. This was my wife’s favorite song as she worked her way through the early days of child loss.
2. Dancing in the Sky by Dani and Lizzy
This song quickly became a favorite for those who have lost a loved one. I appreciate the idea that “I hope you are dancing in the sky.” What else can we hope for? An amazing song that will speak to many.
3. Number to Heaven – Justin Champaign
I think anyone who truly loved the person that left this earth can relate to this song. What would you say if you had the number to Heaven? That would be a long-distance phone bill that most anyone would be willing to pay.
4. Jealous of the Angels – Donna Taggart
Jenn Bostic wrote this after losing her father when she was just 10 years old. She does a wonderful rendition of the song herself, but this version sung by Donna Taggert may be even more powerful. I suppose that is just a matter of preference as I have listened to both artists and appreciate both. The words are so strong: “There will be another angel Around the throne tonight. Your love lives on inside of me and I will hold on tight. It’s not my place to question. Only God knows why. I’m just jealous of the angels around the throne tonight.”
5. One Sweet Day – Mariah Carey with Boyz II Men
I could not explain how this song came to be better than what Mariah Carey did herself. This is quoted from Wikipedia and you can see the full article here if you’d like. The collaboration was meant to be, and this song has meant a lot to many over the years, which is why it’s included in my Top 10 Songs of Loss. Here is what Maria said:
“I wrote the initial idea for ‘One Sweet Day’ with Walter, and I had the chorus…and I stopped and said, ‘I really wanna do this with Boyz II Men,’ because…obviously I’m a big fan of theirs and I just thought that the work was crying out for them, the vocals that they do, so I put it away and said, ‘Who knows if this could ever happen, but I just don’t wanna finish this song because I want it to be our song if we ever do it together. [The] whole idea of when you lose people that are close to you, it changes your life and changes your perspective.
When they came into the studio, I played them the idea for the song and when [it] was finished, they looked at each other, a bit stunned, and told me that Nathan “Nate” Morris had written a song for his road manager who had passed away. It had basically the same lyrics and fitted over the same chord changes. It was really, really weird, we finished the song right then and there. We were all kinda flipped about it ourselves. Fate had a lot to do with that. I know some people won’t believe it, but we wouldn’t make up such a crazy story.”
6. Tears in Heaven – Eric Clapton
Of course, I had to put this song on the list. Some do not realize that Eric Clapton wrote this after losing his own child, 4-year-old Conor. After going dark for a while to deal with his grief, Eric teamed up with Will Jennings to complete this beautiful song. Will is an award-winning songwriter who was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame. He also wrote My Heart Will Go On. Initially, Will told Eric that he didn’t want to help write Tears in Heaven because Clapton had already started it and it was so personal. But Eric insisted he needed will to help him make it perfect.
Tears in Heaven became Eric Clapton’s best-selling single in the United States, selling more than 2,800,000 copies. It may have been a huge hit back in the 90’s, but to me it is simply another wonderful tribute about someone gone much too soon.
7. Scars in Heaven – Casting Crowns
A Christian song that has touched a lot of people. Denny T summed it up with the following comment he made about this song: “I don’t think the band Casting Crowns fully realize what an impact this song has on millions of people, the comfort and peace that it brings. I heard this song driving my car and I had to pull over because I was crying so hard, I couldn’t drive anymore. There on the side of the road I fully understood the meaning of grace. This song did more for me than all the preaching and churches I have gone to for the last 50 years combined. What a testimony.”
8. Beat You There – Will Dempsey
Will Dempsey reminds us that it may hurt, but we won’t be apart forever. A moving song that serves as another reminder that our deceased loved ones are still alive, just not here with us. Will gave me permission to use this song on the Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko Podcast, so expect to hear this song in future episodes as well. And hopefully one day, we can get an interview scheduled with this amazing artist to hear more about the story behind this song. For now, I am happy to include this one in the Top 10 Songs of Loss list.
9. Tell Your Heart to Beat Again – Danny Gokey
I love this version because we get to hear Danny Gokey tell us about the story behind the song. Danny himself suffered extreme adversity with the loss of his wife, so he understands the difficulty of grief and learning to let your hear beat again.
10. Forever – Rascal Flatts
I said I would include the song that became the one I would sit and listen to whenever I was alone after losing my child. The first few words drew me in, but the entire musical piece had me coming back for more. I have cried and felt so good and bad simultaneously while listening to this one. The words, “I miss you so much. Your light, your smile, your way. And everything about. Though you’re gone. You’re still here.” Yeah, exactly.
Summary
I hope you enjoyed my Top 10 Songs of Loss article. If you want to read about my personal journey with child loss, my signs of hope, and more, then check out my book When the Cardinal Calls. Also, be sure to listen to the new Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko Podcast. New episodes begin airing in late March of 2023.