Post Traumatic Growth (PTG)

Post Traumatic Growth (PTG)

by | Jun 26, 2023 | Adversity, Podcast

This week’s podcast is all about how we can experience Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) after the trauma we face in our lives. Below you will find a rough translation of the show for those who would rather read it or for additional reference.

Show Intro 00:01

Beyond the pain, beyond the adversity, beyond this life – it’s Faith Beyond. Author, Coach, and Faith Beyond founder Tim Maceyko explores grief, loss, overcoming adversity, various belief systems from around the world, and so much more. The Faith Beyond Podcast starts now.

Tim Maceyko 00:26

Well, Tim Maceyko here. Welcome to another edition of the Faith Beyond show. I’ve been promising that I would bring the Post Traumatic Growth story, or information, to you. For several weeks I’ve been saying I’m going to do that, and so this week I’m going to finally do it. I’m going to bear down and bring to you this concept of PTG, or Post Traumatic Growth, and discuss how we can grow after the trauma, after the adversity, after we manage all the emotional issues that we’re going to go through. Then the light starts to come back on, and so I want you to understand that, once you’re through that negative phase and a little bit of light starts to peek through the clouds, there’s this opportunity for major growth. That’s PTG. Post Traumatic Growth is phenomenal, and I believe in it. I live it every day. I’ve experienced all five of the things that they talk about, and so I’m going to share with you today a little bit more about that.

01:28

I like to kick things off with either a quote or a scriptural reading or something, just to put us in the right frame of mind. This week I’m going back to the Bible, and I have 2 Corinthians, chapter 4, verse sixteen through eighteen. Well, let’s just go with chapter 4 and verse seventeen. Let’s leave it at that, because I love this one. “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory the far outweighs them all.”

So, the troubles are temporary, the problems are momentary. Right? We will have a glory, an opportunity that is way beyond any of the negative experiences in our life. I love that. I really do. With that said, I promised you PTG, so, let’s get go.

Music Drop 02:42

Let’s go, take a ride with me. Let’s go, say goodbye to the worries on your minds… (music clip features artist Beza)

Tim Maceyko 02:52

Today I wanted to talk about this concept of what life is like after we survive the trauma, after we overcome the extreme adversity in our lives. Like sometimes we get stuck, right? Like, we can’t move on. But we can. We just don’t know how. And so, let’s start with talking about trauma itself. Like, what is trauma? We’re all familiar with the concept of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, right? PTSD occurs as a direct result of trauma. We hear that military guys come back from war, and they have PTSD. I went through this event or that event, and now I have PTSD. But it extends from trauma, and triggers may include things like grief and loss. For instance, I deal with child loss, and that is a very traumatic event, and for some people, it causes PTSD and so forth.

But it could be other things as well, such as maybe being raped or you have severe drug abuse issues that have caused problems in your life, getting bullied, disease, illness, serious injury. Maybe you had an alcoholic mother or an abusive father. Maybe you were kidnapped. I mean, there’s all these different things that causes these traumatic events to occur in our lives, and it’s usually out of our control. It’s not something we wanted, but it’s something we have to live with. Here’s what happens – you have what is referred to as “emotional baggage” as a result of the trauma that you faced, and so things like insecurity and guilt come in to play. You may feel guilty about whatever trauma you went through because it was your fault for whatever reason, even though it may not be. Even if it is, so what? At the end of the day, though you hold onto this guilt, this emotional baggage. You might be afraid. You’re afraid after what you went through. Again, that insecurity I mentioned – you might be insecure from what you went through. You have this hurt, you have this pain, you just can’t let it go. You’re stuck with it, and then you may have this self-doubt, like I’m not worthy. I’m not able to do this, I can’t do that. And all these things are termed “emotional baggage.” And as long as we are stuck in this place of fear, this place of self-doubt, this insecurity, the hurt, the pain, the guilt, all of this, when we’re stuck and we can’t overcome those things, then we can’t move on. We can’t. That’s where people get stuck right there, they hold on to those things and they don’t overcome, and for some of us, that means we may need counseling, we may need professional help.

05:37

Maybe we don’t need professional help, but we still need time to deal with these emotions and these thoughts and these feelings and the emotional baggage that holds us back. You see, these storms in our lives really mess up our mind, right? I mean, if you could see into your mind, what would that look like? I always picture it as if a hurricane came through a town and it knocks over all these trees and these buildings and all these different things, and it is this total devastation. You can just picture that, right? This town destroyed along the beachfront. And that’s kind of what your mind is like after the trauma. And obviously we’d like to get back to the sunny days, we’d like to get back to better times, but again, we can’t get there if we’re holding on to this emotional baggage. So, what do we do? How do we get over it? What is the key? Well, most of the time, its counseling, professional help, talking to other people. But it’s really the time, the time to deal with whatever emotional concepts that you might be dealing with now.

06:52

Today’s show isn’t really about how we get over that, so I’m not going to spend a lot of time on that topic, but you’ve got to give yourself some time You’ve got to deal with the feelings, the thoughts, and the emotions that you’re experiencing. I am not a counselor. I am not a doctor. I’m just a guy who’s been there and has done it and lives it every day. Every day, I’ve got to deal with the loss of my child and it’s a difficult journey. That’s not something you just like let go and get over. You have to continue to work around it, and you try to learn how to use the pain to advance to better things.

07:30

Today’s show is about the benefits of PTG or Post Traumatic Growth. So, what is Post Traumatic Growth? Well, first of all, we mentioned a little bit ago this concept of PTSD. Everyone’s familiar with or has heard about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD develops from these negative traumatic experiences you may have had. But not many of us are familiar with PTG or Post Traumatic Growth, which can be the positive side of the trauma that you faced. Yes, there can be positives. I mean, we don’t think of that, but it’s very, very possible. And these are five scientifically proven psychological things that may occur in your life as a result of the trauma that you faced, and I like these, so I want to share them with you.

08:20

PTG Benefit Number One – Stronger Relationships. Relationships strengthen. Now if you lost a child, like I have, then you may value the relationships with your other children even more than before. You may build on the relationship you have with your spouse more than ever.  But at the same time, in general terms, you lost somebody, and you’re grieving. So now, you may look at the relationships with those around you differently. You may re-prioritize the relationships you have in your life because, maybe, the people you thought would be there for you during your time of need weren’t. And maybe people you never dreamed would be there for you in your time of need were. So, now you have this thing going on in your mind where you’re re-prioritizing. Hey, maybe I should spend more time with this person or with these people and less time with this person or those people. And so post-traumatic growth, stronger relationships, can occur. It definitely will, at the very least, the very minimum, make you think about those in your life and what those relationships between you and them look like.

09:39

PTG Benefit Number 2 – Find Your Inner Strength. Yeah, you find your inner strength. Now here’s the thing you are going through a traumatic moment and people love to say, oh, that person’s so strong. I wish I could be strong like that. The truth is, we don’t feel strong in those moments, but as we recover from them as we get over the emotional baggage that’s been holding us back. We work our way through that right. Then we realize that we are stronger than we ever thought possible. We realize that we just went through something that the average person has not and we overcame. And so when the more minor adverse situations occur in our life, we can draw strength from the fact that, hey, that’s nothing. What I went through over here was a million times worse than this. And so the post-traumatic growth benefit number two is you find your inner strength and you realize I am stronger than I ever knew.

10:44

Post-Traumatic Benefit Number 3 – You Savor the Moments. Life is fast, right? life is fast-paced, and we go flying through life, and we don’t slow down to enjoy the here and the now. But after the traumatic event that you’ve gone through, you learn to appreciate every moment. For that moment, you look at the sunset a little different. You appreciate the sunrise, the fact you get to see it the next morning. You take a walk through nature, and you tend to hear the birds chirp a lot more than you did. You notice the beauty of the green leaves on the trees and the swaying of the breeze and the flowers, moving and looking, blooming and beautiful. I can mention all these different things, but the point is, you learn to savor each moment. Whether it’s that walk through nature I mentioned, or it’s a moment in time with someone you love, or just watching a TV show. Anything you get to do; you have this different view of it. You appreciate it in a new way.

11:49

I remember when I broke my neck. I was in a wheelchair for a number of months. I had to learn to walk again. And the other day, I went out and I actually walked and jogged. I can’t jog the whole time, it doesn’t work like that for me, but I walked, slash, jogged, five miles. Five miles, which is great for me because I hadn’t exercised for like a year. And so, the first day I go out, I was determined that I was just going to do this. I am going to go here and go this way and come this way and come all the way back home. And I did it. And here’s the thing, I was in a wheelchair at one point in time. So, being able to walk or jog any distance is amazing, and the fact that I was able to accomplish five miles with my limitations is just mind blowing to me. I savored those moments. I savored every step. I didn’t look at it as a negative at all, I looked at it as an accomplishment. Every step I took I was closer to getting to that next mile and it made me feel so good because I appreciated it in ways that some may not. Some may look at it as I have to do this. I gotta get exercise. They may just be out there trudging along, but I’m out there going – wow. I can’t believe that I’m so blessed to be able to have this opportunity, when I may have been stuck in that wheelchair like other people still are. So, you really do savor the moments more.

13:09

Post Traumatic Growth Benefit Number 4 – A Deeper Spiritual Connection. I love this one. A deeper spiritual connection may occur. Now, if you are a Christian and you go to church every Sunday or maybe you go once in a while, the traumatic event may actually convince you to go more or be more involved than you were. Maybe now you’re giving more to the church and you’re helping out at different events, and you’re really involved. Maybe you dive into the Bible more. Whatever that may look like. It can be more than the church too. For some people it means you question what you believed before and you ask questions and look at things that you never thought you would consider, because you’re searching for this deeper spiritual connection. You want to connect to something bigger and more powerful, and you don’t understand what that is anymore, and that’s okay too. Both scenarios are fine because it gives you opportunity to grow in whatever way works.

14:16

For me, I’ve done a lot of studying of different religions and faith belief systems from around the world over the last 10 years. I am still a Christian at my core. At least, I feel that way but I’m also much more progressive in my thinking. I can appreciate Buddhism; I appreciate Hinduism and the Muslim faith and the Jewish faith. I look at meditation as a huge beneficial type of thing in my life. I can look at the Quran or the Tao Te Cheng or the Bible or the Torah. Whatever it may be, I can use that as a means to make my life better, because I’m looking at it from a different view than I ever have before. I’m looking at it as my relationship with God is on a higher level. It transcends any single religion, any man-made belief system, anything like that. I feel like God, and I connect now through nature and in ways that I never dreamed of, and that’s what’s working for me and I’m happy there. So, one way or another, the traumatic event may help you find a deeper spiritual connection than you ever dreamt possible.

15:26

Post Traumatic Growth Benefit Number 5 – A New Path, Journey, or Purpose. So, the last one I have for you is this concept that you’re going to go on a new journey, find a new path. You don’t have a choice. The trauma that you went through, the traumatic event, has forced you to look at life through different eyes, and so now you’re savoring the moments more and you’re reevaluating your relationships. You are, you know, maybe having more spiritual awareness, self-awareness, but it doesn’t mean you wanted to go on this new journey. And so, you say, well, how is that a benefit? How is that a growth thing? Well, here’s the cool thing about it. You may not have wanted to go on it, but you’re on it, and what you will find, if you really look deep inside yourself, is that you will find a new purpose, at least potentially. A new purpose, a new way of thinking. Something that you never dreamt you would do, is now right there for your taking, and you feel this passion about it. You feel this draw to it.

16:34

When I broke my neck, I went from being an athletic young guy to a coach, I became passionate about it. I loved it. It was the next best thing. In fact, I think it was what I was meant to be all those years. And now I lost my son, and I’ve re-evaluated my faith. And guess what? I’m on a new path where I’ve written books, and I’ve taken my coaching from my younger years and taken it off the basketball court and off the baseball field. I’m putting it into my Faith Beyond concept, where I’m out coaching people individually who have faced adversity, who have faced trauma, who need to overcome and continue to grow.

17:11

That’s my mission, that’s my passion. That’s my new purpose and the new journey that I’m on. I would not have taken that path if it wasn’t for the traumatic events in my life. And that is a Post Traumatic Growth Benefit. So, I challenge you to be down with PTG. Because once you let go of some of that emotional baggage, once you can work your way through it, again through counseling or whatever you need to do to get through it, there are amazing benefits waiting for you. If you haven’t experienced them yet, they’re right there. And if you have experienced them, I would love to hear about it. So, feel free to reach out to me and tell me how you’ve grown from your traumatic experience.

17:57

All right, I hope you enjoyed this week’s Post Traumatic Growth Benefits discussion. hearing about the PTG concepts and information. I’m happy to provide it to you. Let’s go ahead and take a break here. And the one thing, I want you to learn – is to be happy. Despite the adversity in life, there’s a lot of positives as well. Learn to embrace the happiness. That’s hard to do at times, but I want you to think that way this week. In fact, I want you to be happy, and I wanna be happy for you, which segues perfectly into this week’s song of the week. The band is called Life is an Epic Film and their song is “Happy for You.”

Song of the Week: Happy for You by Life is an Epic Film 18:39

Close your eyes and breathe it out. You’ve been crying for some time now. When working hard is paying off, you just gotta seize the moment and fly so high that you feel like you could even touch the sky. Baby, it’s time to let go and spread your wings and let them guide you. Now, hey, let yourself be proud of you. Let yourself be happy for you. Let yourself be proud of you. Let yourself be happy for you, happy for you. Looking back, you see the growth, how we move and find our ways. Everything that we go through makes us what we are today. So, fly so high that you feel like you could even touch the sky. Baby, it’s time to let go and spread your wings and let them guide you. Now, hey, let yourself be proud of you. Let yourself be happy for you. Let yourself be proud of you. Let yourself be happy for you. Happy for you. Be proud of you, proud of you, happy for you. Be proud of you, proud of you, happy for you. Let yourself be proud of you. Let yourself be happy for you.

Happy for you. Happy for you. Happy for you. Happy for you, happy for you, happy for you.

Tim Maceyko: And now it’s time for your Sign of Hope.

When the Cardinal Calls is the name of one of my books. It’s on Amazon, and it has my story on dealing with child loss and signs of hope. One of the things that happened, and I wanted to share this with you today, was an amazing sign. After Seth died, we were back in our home, and one afternoon I was sitting in the lounger and I was kind of nodding off, taking a little bit of a nap. My wife yells across the room at me. She was sitting over on the sofa, and she says, “Hey, Tim, wake up.” I get up and she says, “Look,” and I look up. And the ceiling fan is slowly turning. I’m like, yeah, the ceiling fan is turning. What about it? She said, “Well, the light switch is off. The ceiling fan switch is off. You know it’s not turned on. There should be no electric getting through there.”

I said, well, now hold on. You know there can still be an electrical current getting through, even if the switch is off. As I am explaining this, the ceiling fan slows down. The fan comes to a stop, and I go yeah there you go, see, I told you.

23:07

And then the most amazing thing happened. The fan stopped, but then slowly started to turn again – in the opposite direction. Now I have no way of explaining how that occurred that day. My wife just smiled and pointed again at the fan. And I hated to admit she had me, right? I don’t know to this day how that occurred, why that occurred. But I believe that we all get these signs in our lives, these moments that are hard to explain. Yet, because we’re humans, we attempt to explain them away, and a lot of times we do explain them the way, and so we miss the sign that we were given in that moment. Maybe it’s from your loved one, or maybe it’s just God leading you – either giving you comfort or leading you down a new path, a new direction, or guiding you to an answer that you’ve been searching for.  Unfortunately, so many times we don’t listen, we don’t see, and we fail to receive the messages we are meant to. So, think about that as you go forward this week.

24:18

Look for the signs, take a walk in nature and talk to God or whatever Supreme Being that you believe in. See if you can connect on a spiritual level that’s beyond the norm. Don’t think you’re a freak or weird. Just go out and be alone and walk through the forest or whatever you can do. Go down to the local park and just reconnect. Put away the cell phone, put away all the outside information and other people. I encourage you to try to take that walk alone. If you can avoid talking, do it, just focus on what is around you this week. If you do, I think you’ll be amazed at what you might find.

So, until next time, this is Tim Maceyko, and I hope you enjoyed this week’s Faith Beyond Show. I will leave you with this: You can overcome any adversity in life. Together we can overcome, we can achieve, we can go on and do great things with the time we have on this earth. So, go do it. It’s your time, it’s my time, it’s our time.

Music Outro 26:02

Our Time by Bex

Tim Maceyko: You can find me on Twitter and Instagram @TimMaceyko, and on Facebook at Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko.

Top 10 Songs of Loss

Top 10 Songs of Loss

by | Mar 16, 2023 | Adversity, Music

After losing a loved one, we may hear a certain song, and it may stop us in our tracks. It may bring tears to your eyes and leave you feeling so vulnerable. Yet, somehow, it feels good too. Despite how much a song made you cry; you may end up playing it again and again and again. I have plenty of songs like that and today I am going to bring you my Top 10 Songs of Loss. But before we get to the music, let’s talk about why music makes us feel the way it does.

It used to be believed that sad people listened to sad music so they could continue to be sad. However, recent studies are proving that age-old theory to be incorrect. Many people will tell you that listening to sad music actually makes them feel better. It is not uncommon at all for an individual to feel better after listening to a song that may evoke intense emotional responses. In fact, some studies have shown that those who are depressed will literally choose a sad song over a more upbeat or happy one. They long for that sad music.

Now I believe we need to take these types of studies with a grain of salt because they are, so far, rather limited in their polling methods and don’t represent a wide enough demographic to make me believe that we can say anything with absolute certainty. However, one could easily see how sad music could serve as a coping mechanism for those who are mentally in a difficult place. The words tend to reflect how you may be feeling and the tempo can be soothing to your heart.

What I want to know is, what is going on in our brains when we feel like we need to hear this kind of music? One belief in the scientific world is that the brain releases dopamine when we listen to music. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter typically associated with food, sex, and drugs. In other words, it is possible that the music is helping us produce certain chemicals, which in turn creates specific brain activity to help us cope.

Some of the greatest art and musical compositions in history came to be because the artist was in a place of suffering. Sadness can make us more focused and diligent. However, be aware that somber music could also affect you in a negative way and make you more depressed. It all really comes down to how you perceive the music. Do the words of the song bring about a happy or pleasant memory or does it bring back a negative one? Is the song something you can relate to and thus you are able to share the pain you are feeling, or does it cause you to go deeper into the darkness? Only you can answer those questions and only you will know what works for you and what doesn’t.

In my experience, music helped. It hurt, but I wanted more. I craved that connection through the words of others and the accompanying melodies that went with them. While I was grieving the loss of my child, I stumbled across a song that summarized everything I was feeling. It was painful to listen too, but it encapsulated every emotion that I was having, and I immediately connected with it. I must have listened to that song a hundred times or more. In fact, I included it in this Top 10 Songs of Loss list.

There are way more songs out there than I can list here. So, I have attempted to select 10 songs that you may or may not have heard before. Each of these has spoken to me in a profound way as I worked my way through the grieving process. Feel free to leave a comment and share a song that helped you during your journey with loss. I would love to hear it!

 

Top 10 Songs of Loss

1. Godspeed by The Dixie Chicks

The first song on my Top 10 Songs of Loss is one that will speak to anyone who has lost a son. It is beautifully written, and I still struggle to listen to it without the tears. This was my wife’s favorite song as she worked her way through the early days of child loss.

 

2. Dancing in the Sky by Dani and Lizzy

This song quickly became a favorite for those who have lost a loved one. I appreciate the idea that “I hope you are dancing in the sky.” What else can we hope for? An amazing song that will speak to many.

 

3. Number to Heaven – Justin Champaign

I think anyone who truly loved the person that left this earth can relate to this song. What would you say if you had the number to Heaven? That would be a long-distance phone bill that most anyone would be willing to pay.

 

4. Jealous of the Angels – Donna Taggart

Jenn Bostic wrote this after losing her father when she was just 10 years old. She does a wonderful rendition of the song herself, but this version sung by Donna Taggert may be even more powerful. I suppose that is just a matter of preference as I have listened to both artists and appreciate both. The words are so strong: “There will be another angel Around the throne tonight. Your love lives on inside of me and I will hold on tight. It’s not my place to question. Only God knows why. I’m just jealous of the angels around the throne tonight.”

 

5. One Sweet Day – Mariah Carey with Boyz II Men

I could not explain how this song came to be better than what Mariah Carey did herself. This is quoted from Wikipedia and you can see the full article here if you’d like. The collaboration was meant to be, and this song has meant a lot to many over the years, which is why it’s included in my Top 10 Songs of Loss. Here is what Maria said:

“I wrote the initial idea for ‘One Sweet Day’ with Walter, and I had the chorus…and I stopped and said, ‘I really wanna do this with Boyz II Men,’ because…obviously I’m a big fan of theirs and I just thought that the work was crying out for them, the vocals that they do, so I put it away and said, ‘Who knows if this could ever happen, but I just don’t wanna finish this song because I want it to be our song if we ever do it together. [The] whole idea of when you lose people that are close to you, it changes your life and changes your perspective.

When they came into the studio, I played them the idea for the song and when [it] was finished, they looked at each other, a bit stunned, and told me that Nathan “Nate” Morris had written a song for his road manager who had passed away. It had basically the same lyrics and fitted over the same chord changes. It was really, really weird, we finished the song right then and there. We were all kinda flipped about it ourselves. Fate had a lot to do with that. I know some people won’t believe it, but we wouldn’t make up such a crazy story.”

 

6. Tears in Heaven – Eric Clapton

Of course, I had to put this song on the list. Some do not realize that Eric Clapton wrote this after losing his own child, 4-year-old Conor. After going dark for a while to deal with his grief, Eric teamed up with Will Jennings to complete this beautiful song. Will is an award-winning songwriter who was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame. He also wrote My Heart Will Go On. Initially, Will told Eric that he didn’t want to help write Tears in Heaven because Clapton had already started it and it was so personal. But Eric insisted he needed will to help him make it perfect.

Tears in Heaven became Eric Clapton’s best-selling single in the United States, selling more than 2,800,000 copies. It may have been a huge hit back in the 90’s, but to me it is simply another wonderful tribute about someone gone much too soon.

 

7. Scars in Heaven – Casting Crowns

A Christian song that has touched a lot of people. Denny T summed it up with the following comment he made about this song: “I don’t think the band Casting Crowns fully realize what an impact this song has on millions of people, the comfort and peace that it brings. I heard this song driving my car and I had to pull over because I was crying so hard, I couldn’t drive anymore. There on the side of the road I fully understood the meaning of grace. This song did more for me than all the preaching and churches I have gone to for the last 50 years combined. What a testimony.”

 

8. Beat You There – Will Dempsey

Will Dempsey reminds us that it may hurt, but we won’t be apart forever. A moving song that serves as another reminder that our deceased loved ones are still alive, just not here with us. Will gave me permission to use this song on the Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko Podcast, so expect to hear this song in future episodes as well. And hopefully one day, we can get an interview scheduled with this amazing artist to hear more about the story behind this song. For now, I am happy to include this one in the Top 10 Songs of Loss list.

 

9. Tell Your Heart to Beat Again – Danny Gokey

I love this version because we get to hear Danny Gokey tell us about the story behind the song. Danny himself suffered extreme adversity with the loss of his wife, so he understands the difficulty of grief and learning to let your hear beat again.

 

10. Forever – Rascal Flatts

I said I would include the song that became the one I would sit and listen to whenever I was alone after losing my child. The first few words drew me in, but the entire musical piece had me coming back for more. I have cried and felt so good and bad simultaneously while listening to this one. The words, “I miss you so much. Your light, your smile, your way. And everything about. Though you’re gone. You’re still here.” Yeah, exactly.

 

Summary

I hope you enjoyed my Top 10 Songs of Loss article. If you want to read about my personal journey with child loss, my signs of hope, and more, then check out my book When the Cardinal Calls. Also, be sure to listen to the new Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko Podcast. New episodes begin airing in late March of 2023.

Podcast: Comedian Sue Bump – The F Words

Podcast: Comedian Sue Bump – The F Words

by | Mar 14, 2023 | Adversity, Family, Podcast, Religion & Spirituality

This week’s podcast features the first interview I ever recorded. On the show, I speak with Sue Bump about her battle with cancer, support and love of family, and how faith is needed in our most trying times.

If you believe in what we are doing and our efforts to bring high quality supportive content to everyone, then please consider buying me a coffee. If you would like to do more, then check out our monthly podcast sponsorship option.

New episodes of the Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko show are in production and anticipated to be released beginning the third week of March. Until then enjoy this flashback interview. This episode features clips from my very first attempt to record a podcast. Sue was a great first interview, but this version has been updated and cleaned up – to sound a bit more professional.

And you can check out the Good Grandma Gone Bad in action by going here (warning: not all comedy is clean, meant for 18 and over). Sue may be gone from this earth, but she will forever live in our hearts.

Observations in a Cancer Center

Observations in a Cancer Center

by | Jul 9, 2021 | Adversity

Facing Cancer

Cancer affects millions of lives and can turn a person’s world upside down in the blink of an eye. This article was written one day as Tim Maceyko sat with his then-teenage daughter during one of her treatments. She was facing a battle with lymphoma and it opened her father’s eyes to struggles that he had not considered.

Sitting in the cancer treatment center with my teenage daughter is not a place that we expected to be. Yet here we are. What had started as a small lump in a lymph node has turned into something much bigger. Our fears were actually confirmed the day after Christmas and the journey has been quite a roller-coaster over the last few months. Today, we are at the Zangmeister Cancer Center, preparing for her third round of chemo.

Allie sits in her chair and receives a shot in her stomach from a really long needle. She protests loudly because she’s had it before and it’s certainly not something that she looks forward to. However, it helps with post-chemo nausea and it allows her to get through the days ahead with more limited side effects. The nurse sprays something onto Allie’s stomach to numb the area. The shot goes smoothly with little pain this time. That’s a relief.

The People

Across from us sits an African-American lady who is receiving her own treatment. I’m guessing that she is in her forties, but I’ve never been good with guessing ages. She is upbeat and chats freely with the nurses and others who are walking around. I take it that she has been here many times and has become accustomed to her routine because she seems at home in this environment. However, I also notice that she is alone. I’m not sure why, but that bothers me.

To my right, I see an older gentleman and his wife. He is around six feet tall, wearing glasses, is balding, and he has a white beard. His suspenders are kind of cute, but he doesn’t seem as friendly as the other lady across from us. He just sits and stares off into the distance. I wonder if that’s how I’d feel in his place. The thing I notice about him the most though is the baseball hat he is wearing with “Marines” prominently displayed across the front of it. I need to thank him for his service. But I don’t. He seems like he doesn’t want to be bothered.

There are several other people scattered around the open area. Some of them are receiving their treatments and some of them are patiently waiting for theirs to begin. What I realize is that cancer doesn’t care about your age. It doesn’t care about your ethnic background or your lifestyle; could care less that you served your country; doesn’t care whether you are alone or with someone; it just doesn’t care about you. It’s that simple. Cancer is a cold, heartless disease and I despise the entire concept. To put it bluntly, cancer sucks.

The Positives

At least the staff here is pleasant. They interact with the patients on a personal level, providing plenty of smiles and they give off a positive vibe. That’s needed, considering what the patients are going through. Nurses that are good at their job are amazing to me. Their help goes far beyond the medicine they are administering. These nurses are providing a sense of hope and comfort during a fearful time.

There are huge glass windows on the outside of the room that looks out over a wooded area. Last time here, Allie sat and watched the wild turkeys. I guess the place is as comfortable as a place like this can be. Despite that fact, we all would much rather be just about any place other than here.

I notice that a lot of the ceiling panels are painted with artwork. Each one has been done by a person that has come through the center before us. There are motivational panels, several of which are painted with inspiring artwork. There are some really impressive designs scattered around the room. The ceiling panel closest to us says, “You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.” As I watch my daughter prepare to get yet another round of chemo, I realize how profound that saying really is. She is certainly strong, but the reality is she has no choice. Sometimes “being strong is your only choice.” I need to remember that saying. It’s a good one.

In Closing

It will be several more hours before we are done, so we all settle in. This is our new home-away-from-home. I get my laptop out and begin to type. I don’t write anything that’s going to win a Pulitzer, but I do document what I see around me. Thus, I give you #Tims2Cents and my #CancerSucks rambling for the day.

2021 Update

My daughter is now in her twenties, married, and had her first baby this past year. And I am happy to report that she is currently cancer-free.

I hope that by sharing this experience someone may hear what they need to hear today. We all face those difficult moments in our lives, but we must keep the faith. It is not always easy to do and it does require a special kind of faith.  I’m talking about a faith that lies far beyond the pain that you are feeling at this moment. It lies beyond the adversity you are experiencing right now. You just need to hold onto the hope that tomorrow will be a new day, a better day. And know that, as the sign in the cancer center said, sometimes being strong really is your only choice.

If you found this article interesting then read more about Tim Maceyko’s journey with adversity in his book, When the Cardinal Calls. You can now find all of his books on Amazon. And be sure to join the Faith Beyond family by subscribing here to receive access to a free e-book copy of Seth’s Snuggle Time Game.

The Door

The Door

by | Jun 30, 2021 | Adversity, Family

Have you ever gotten upset over something – like this door?

Yeah, I know. It sucks, and yet it happens all the time. Kids write on things. They break things. They destroy things. I know exactly how frustrating that can be. Been there. Done that. But let’s all stop for a minute and put these moments in perspective.

This door, with the crayon marks all over it, leads into our master bath off of our main bedroom. However, this same door used to lead into our five-year-old son’s room. There was a time when we looked at that door and we saw a frustrating moment in time. A time when a little child did something wrong. But now the sight of that door brings a smile to our faces. It serves as a reminder of a time when Seth was with us. It reminds us that even when he was being mischievous, he was the light in our world.

When you lose a child you see the world much differently. That door no longer needs “fixed” like we once thought it did. Instead, we will forever cherish it as it is. You see, it’s a door that we used to be excited to open because we knew what was behind it. We knew when we opened that door our world was about to get better. Our lives were about to get brighter. That door was a path to the single most amazing place on earth. It led into a room filled with love, laughter, hugs, kisses, and endless playtime. It was a doorway to the most magical place that could possibly exist.

Now that door no longer allows us to walk into the room that made our world better. It no longer allows us to escape reality and live on a higher plane for a few hours at a time. It no longer leads to the joy that only a parent can understand. Now it just leads to the shower. And yet it still reminds us of a time when life was brighter. A time that was more pure. It was a time when we didn’t understand the pain of child loss.

So love your kids, even when those difficult moments come. Don’t lose your temper when they write on that wall (or door). Don’t get overly upset when they won’t eat their vegetables or when they won’t go to bed. Relax when they make that mess. There’s no need to scream and yell like your world’s come crashing down. Instead, cherish those moments. Embrace them. Enjoy them for what they are. Be truly thankful in those moments. Because your world could unexpectedly come crashing down, and a door may be all that you have left.

Follow the author of this article, Tim Maceyko, on Instagram or Twitter @maceyko. Featured books by this author include Child Loss 101 and When the Cardinal Calls.